Tories Tackle Social Inequality.

With crime rates now revealed to be rising, unemployment rising steadily, inflation reaching low orbit and the economy grinding to a complte halt, the Tory party has decided to launch an attack on social inequality. "The way forward has been revealed to us by the blesssed Ian Duncan Smith," a Tory spokesperson told us. "His announcement that he intended to intervene at the moment of conception to prevent crime raised the possibility of other insane policy initiatives. We are now considering closing all schools where parents stubbornly refuse to vote for us for instance. Another initiative is making the unemployed sign an underatking to vote Tory for the rest of their lives in order to get benefits. But our most exciting initiative involves putting our fingers in our ears and shouting "lah,lah,lah" as loudly as possible. David Cameron has already made a start on this by visiting Wales and telling the Welsh that Labour is responsible for undermining the NHS and closing schools. Stopping people from taking their employers to a tribunal was also a great step forward and we believe that our "ignoring voters completely" campaign will pay dividends in the long run."