The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday, 24 October 2011

Cameron Told To Shut Up.

In a rare display of annoyance yesterday the French President begged David Cameron to shut up and stop nagging him. "That English prick just never gives up," the President told our reporter. "He's always full of "good advice" about the European economy which seems to consist purely of throwing everyone out of work and allowing businessmen to do whatever they like. I told him, it's all right for you but we in Europe actually have fully functioning democracies in which voters actually still have a choice. Having looked up "democracy" in a English-French dictionary he was nonplussed for a second or two but then carried on like I'd said nothing at all. Is that how British politicians carry on - not listening to a word that anyone says and completely ignoring reality?" We asked David Cameron for his take on the row; "Nicholas who? Oh, you mean the Frog. Yes, we had a few words yesterday. I was in the middle of telling him how to cure Europe's economic woes by starving the entire population to death and he cut in - just like that. He said I didn't have a clue what I was talking about and that France was a democracy, or whatever, and he couldn't just do what he liked. I countered with a riposte I learned during my debating days at Eton of which I'm particularly proud - "Dead people don't vote". Good, eh? He had no answer to that one - he just went red in the face and called me a tosser. Bloody rude if you ask me, but that's the problem with Johnnie Foreigner - no sense of proportion."

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