The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Friday, 21 October 2011

Ian Duncan Smith Declares War On The Unborn.

In yet another incoherent and insane rant the Minister for Work and Pensions has decided to attack unborn children. "Gang culture amongst foetuses has reached dangerous levels," he told our reporter. "Innocent pregnant women are being terrorised by their unborn chavs and it must stop. I propose that social workers should be encourged to shout up birth canals to make these unborn thugs think again. As the Tory party has always maintained it is a matter of breeding. The unborn of working class people have a natural propensity for criminal conspiracy in the womb, while the unborn of the wealthy are too busy reading poetry and considering their parents investment portfolio. I am considering intervening at the moment of conception by appointing inspectors to stand by while chavs make the beast with two backs and remind them of their parental responsibilities." Karyn McClusky, head of the violent reduction unit in Scotland, was inspired by IDS so much that she declared; "I am declaring war on gang-related foetus crime and I warn them now that is they continue to get themselves conceived I will turn up at their parents homes with 9,000 cops and have them forcibly aborted. I'm that powerful."

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