George Osborne - "Let Them Eat Cake."

In yet another triumph for Tory policy it has been revealed by Fareshare, the food charity, that demand for their services has increased by 20%. Many of these people are not from the "traditional" demograph of the destitute but are increasingly from people normally considered to be from a stable background. "I sympathise with these losers," George Osborne told our reporter, "but, at the end of the day, mass starvation is a price worth paying to insulate the wealthy from such inconveniences. We understand people's anger at bankers who continue to pay temselves obscene bonuses, but have no choice but to completely ignore it. People must understand that austerity is the only way to guarantee that the credit-worthy can still borrow money at reasonable rates. We're all in this together - the poor starving and the rest of us making sympathetic noises and investing our large amounts of spare cash in the buy-to-rent industry." David Cameron advised people to be more thrifty. "I'm afraid that people have been too profligate and are now paying the price. Instead of wasting their money on things like gas and electricity they should put some by for food. I'm told that many of these beggars even have shoes for heaven's sake! Who do they think they are - MP's?"