Democracy Pronounced Dead In The United States.

It has been reported from New York that Democracy, on life support in the United States for the last three years, has finally died. "It passed away in our sleep," a hospital spokesperson told our reporter. "It tried to rally during the protests in New York against corporate greed but I'm afraid the police managed to cut of its air supply." President Barak Obama, his position totally undermined by the banking lobby in Congress, was understandably distraught but unable to act. "How dare the American people vote for a Democrat and a black one at that," an unnamed Republican told us. "We warned them that God would not stand for a black Communist/Muslim/Terrorist President but they refused to believe us. Now God Almighty has stretched out his hand to afflict all those who try to exercise their democratic right to protest." Asked if it wasn't actually the police who had stopped the protests, the spokesman replied; "In New York the police are God." Meanwhile, in Britain, the Tory Party are following events with bated breath. "This is a wonderful day for Democracy," a Tory spokesmen said, "especially for those who can afford to buy it."