Baroness Warsi Revealed As Delusional

Baroness Warsi opened the Tory conference today with an inspirational speech calculated to rouse the troops. Calling for an outright majority at the next election which will enable them to ditch the LibDems, she told the party faithful that they must demonstrate how compassionate they can be. "We must show all those we've thrown out of work, all those who's pensions we've stolen and all those disabled people we've taken benefits from, just how much more compassionate we can be when we can do as we like. This means we must reach out to everyone in Britain, even working class scum, and widen our appeal by lying through our teeth. We are the Big Society and if we can selflessly volunteer to grab as much as possible while performing no useful function whatsoever I think it only fair that everyone else should work like slaves for nothing at all." The speech was received with rapturous apllause from the seriously deluded Tory rank and file; "As Margaret Thatcher showed us once before being total swine pays dividends," one party member told us. "Its a shame that, under new legislation, the Baroness will out of the country on the first banana boat along with all the other bloody foreigners." Meanwhile, outside the hall, several thousand protestors let the Tories know exactly what they thought of their "compassion."