The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Tuesday, 3 September 2013

Michael Gove Now Entirely Absent.

The BBC interviewed what appeared to be an empty suit today about the shortage of school places. Michael Gove could just be made out as he did his best to disappear into the background and deny that he is in any real sense the Education Secretary. "I can't remember where I've been for the last three years," he told the BBC. "There has been some speculation that I am the Education Secretary but, to be honest, I wouldn't know. Everything that has happened in my alleged Department in the last three years has been entirely the fault of Labour who, it would seem, are still secretly in charge of Education. I remember going to bed the night before the General Election but, after that, it's a complete blank. I know I've been taking swift action but I can't remember for the life of me what that action was. I blame the British people who should have voted Tory in the last election. If we'd won I would now be the real Education Secretary and, believe me, things would be a lot different. Examination results would be better, every child would have their own personal tutor, teachers would be better trained and all this would have been delivered at half the present cost. Its tragic that I was never afforded the opportunity to do something about this mysterious mess in the education sector. Still, at least with the new lobbying law going through Parliament today no one will be able to talk about it during the next General Election.

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