The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday, 11 September 2013

Tories Looking Forward To Bumper Crop Of Backhanders.

The Tories are drooling tonight over their latest scam, the privatisation of Royal Mail, and the "donations" they expect to receive from grateful "investors". "I can't believe that we're going to get away with this shit again," an anonymous Tory party spokesman told our reporter. "The electorate in this country really are as stupid as we've always hoped they are. Swindling the British public is child's play - it's a bit like shooting fish in a barrel. By this time next year stamps will cost £10 a pop and we've already begun to think about legislation that will force people to use the post whether they want to or not. I particularly like the idea that children will have to be posted to their school every morning and rail and bus passengers will soon be regarded as freight. It's a dream come true and we're looking forward to an increase in backhanders from the various crooks and spivs who'll be getting yet another national asset for next to nothing. Mind you we fully expect this little £3 billion scam to pale into insignificance when compared to the privatisation of the NHS next year. That will be deal of the century - for us and our crooked mates at any rate. People often talk about "rip off Britain", but they haven't seen anything yet."

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