The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday, 14 September 2013

Eric Pickles Too Important To Embarrass.

It has emerged today that Eric Pickles, pictured above, is far too important to embarrass. The civil servants working in his Department of Wrecking Communities and Local Misgovernment have suggested that the ministry should be exempt from Freedom of Information requests because Pickles is so stupid he might be embarrassed if his emails were made public. "Exposure of his routine communications would reveal that Mr.Pickles is depressingly thick," a Ministry spokesman explained to our reporter. "Most Ministers are to be honest but very few of them are so dumb that they would risk revealing this by actually committing their innermost thoughts to paper. We believe that publishing his emails would bring the whole of government into further disrepute and this would be grossly unfair. It's not his fault that he was born with a mind so limited that he was forced to become a Tory MP or face starvation. His latest piece of utter tomfoolery was to try and stop union dues being voluntary paid through the wage system. This constituted a breach of contact since the union members were not consulted or their permission sought. Faced by the utter idiocy of his idea Mr.Pickles then went on to try and defend his decision in the courts and succeeded only in costing the taxpayer £90,000 in legal fees. Personally I think the money should be stopped out of his wages." We asked if Mr.Pickles would make a statement but were told that the Minister was too busy "trying to find his own arse with both hands."

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