The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday, 28 September 2013

Will Larry The Cat Be The Tory's Next Victim?

Larry, No.10's official cat, is under threat tonight as it was revealed that David Cameron and his wife don't like him. We asked a Tory party spokesman to answer this shocking accusation as a matter of some urgency; "Look this bloody cat is a well known scrounger, living off state benefits and refusing to do an honest days work. Since he moved in he hasn't caught a single bleeding rat, even though the cabinet office is full of them. All he does is sit on a pile of blankets at the window. We're thinking of cutting his benefits since he has two blankets. I don't see why taxpayers should subsidise an extra blanket that he clearly doesn't need. We're beginning to think that he's not even British and maybe an illegal immigrant. Now if he was rich and got himself elected as a Tory MP that would be a different kettle of fish, or rats if you prefer. Being a bone-idle scrounger with more blankets than he could possible ever use would then be a positive advantage while his ability to ignore rats would serve him well in Parliament." Larry himself was unavailable for comment but his agent, Max Hastings, told us that he would be suing the government for defamation of character and unfeline treatment.

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