The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday, 18 September 2013

Manu Tuilag Apologises For Making Cameron Look Like A Prat.

Manu Tuilag, the Somoan-born Johnnie Foreigner rugby player, has apologised for making David Cameron look like a complete prat. He turned a photo-opportunity for Cameron to make himself look like a winner into a farce with a "bunny ears" prank that ruined the photo. We asked a Tory spokesman for his reaction; "This is disgusting. Poor David is daft enough without some bloody foreigner making him look as stupid as he actually is. What this Johnnie Foreigner doesn't seem to understand is that sport in Britain is merely an adjunct of politics and is only there so that politicians can parade in front of cameras basking in the reflected glory of people with real achievements. I suppose you can understand it when you consider that Tuilag is a bloody foreigner and has no real grasp or understanding of British culture. Deference is what the British do best and I suggest that Tuilag grows a forelock so that he can tug it at appropriate moments. We have no truck in this country with people who make politicians, especially Tory politicians, look as foolish as they actually are. We didn't go to Samoa and shoot its people when they threatened us with pointed sticks for nothing. We went there to civilize them and this is all the thanks we get."

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