The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday, 23 September 2013

Royal Mail Executives Stuff Their Pension Funds With Taxpayers Money.

In anticipation of the Tories sell off of yet another publicly owned industry the executives at Royal Mail are already stealing taxpayers money to line their own pockets with. Having already stolen £19 million to pad out their pension pots in December they then stole another £20 million in March as well as "negotiating" a further £10 million of extra cash every year until 2018. All in all they have effectively nabbed a cool £90 million of our money while rank-and-file workers have been forced to accept reduced pension rights. We asked a Royal Mail spokesman for an explanation; "The trouble with ordinary working class people is that they simply don't understand high finance. This is not theft in the accepted sense. I like to think of it in terms of an anticipation of bonus payments for all the hard work involved in the forthcoming privatisation. This involves such difficult decisions as how to get rid of unionised staff in order to cut costs, how to avoid paying out redundancy payments unless those being made redundant are executives and which offshore bank to stuff all our bonuses in order to avoid paying tax. I'm surprised that we don't get more sympathy from the public who must surely know that we're worth every penny we can get our hands on. I urge everyone to buy shares in Royal Mail so that we have access to even more cash. After all you don't want to miss out on buying something that you already own now do you?"

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