The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday, 2 July 2012

Liam Fox Urges Economic Suicide.

In a speech intended to herald his political comeback and stab his leader between the shoulder blades, Liam Fox has called for a referendum on Britain's membership of the EU. "We in the Tory party have already come a long way in destroying the British economy, but I strongly believe that the British people themselves should have the opportunity to pass the death sentence on it," he told reporters today. "As the party tnat believes that unthinking prejudice, especially when directed at Johnny Foreigner, is the best basis for policy decision-making it is only right that we should ask those least qualified to make the final judgement and no one is least qualified than your average British voter. The last thing we need now is cool heads and a sensible outlook. If we, as a nation, are to enter into a mutual suicide pact then we should do it togther like the lemmings we are. This is Britain and we should not soil our hands with anything as sordid as trade - unless its arms manufacturing or banking of course." Meanwhile David Cameron, still staggering from this latest knife in the back, promised a referendum. "There will have to be a referendum soemtime in the next million years or so," he said. "However, what the question should actually be depends on what answer we want. It's no good having a straightforward in-or-out vote. That will only confuse the electorate and make it difficult for them to choose the answer we're looking for. What we need is a more obscure question that can be interpreted in the way we want."

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