The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday, 15 July 2012

Tories Plan To Sell Our Blood.

The Tories want to sell the National Blood Service (NBS)to private owners and are employing bankers of all peeple to make the sale. Simon Burns, The Minister for Stealing Blood, told reporters that the sale was necessary so the NBS "can successfully compete in the global market. An independent review, made up of people who agree with me, found that the best interests of the company, the taxpayer and patients would be met by investment from private sector. We have chosen the bank Lazard to head up the sale because we've been really impressed with the integrity and honesty of that industry as a whole - at least when compared to politicians. Once the sale is complete we are confident that the private sector will bring much needed efficiency to the whole process and would point to G4S as a good example of this. The main thing is that we will be able to take the blood given freely by volunteers and flog it to countries like the USA so that we can continue with such important initiatives as featherbedding MP's pensions. We are also adopting a new motto - "Give blood. Make a banker and a politician even richer than they are now." Catchy isn't it?"

1 comment:

  1. The Tories are scum in this respect, but the LibDem Head Nodders are worse and evil as they have enabled the nasty Tories to get their dream of demolishing a national asset whilst feathering their beds with the health vultures who will hardly pay anything to the Treasury as part of the deal. (Check Richard Branson).