The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday, 21 October 2013

MP's Put Differences Aside To Defend Their Right To Plunder The Public Purse.

MP's from all parties serving on the Commons Lack Of Standards Committee have put aside their arguments as to whether it is moral to freeze pensioners to death this winter in order to defend their right to steal public money. The Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority (Ipsa)has ruled that claiming for such expenses as food, tea and biscuits, hotel accommodation, taxi fares, content insurance for a second home and a TV for their second home plus an 11% pay rise is a bit much. The MP's on the committee, however, are howling with indignation at this attack on their living standards. "Falling living standards are for the plebs only," one of the committee told our reporter. "How can we demonstrate our innate superiority over the mugs who pay our wages if we can't maintain our wealth at their expense? That's what Parliament is for - to provide the necessary democratic legitimacy for us to shove our snouts in the trough. What good is democracy if it can't provide a bunch of bone idle over-educated scroungers with a free lunch or three? I mean, what self respecting banking executive wouldn't book himself into a five star hotel less than 100 yards from his second home bought by the taxpayer if he didn't get the chance?" We asked a government spokesman for the coalition's view; "It's nothing to do with us mate. We have absolutely no control over what we decide to glum out of the public purse. That's what committees are for - to provide the necessary democratic legitimacy for us to shove our snouts in the trough without having to worry about what the plebs - sorry, the electorate - think."

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