The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Thursday, 31 October 2013

Coaltion In A Spin.

Francis Maude has been defending the spending of £7.2 million in taxpayers money by the Coalition on spin doctors this year alone. "It's very difficult for us to present our most vicious and nasty policies as reasonable, especially when we have to deal with namby-pamby Lib Dems and the lefty press such as the Daily Mail. We've found that murdering pensioners this winter is a particularly difficult policy to sell when Ed Milliband, for some reason, wants to save them. What can you do with such unreasonable opposition to our logical and perfectly humanitarian policies? Then there's the vexed question of doing nothing whatsoever. You have no idea how difficult it is to do nothing and then pretend that we've taken decisive action. This has been particularly difficult when it comes to closing tax loopholes where we've made magnificent and masterly efforts to do avoid doing anything at all. But the real difficulty is staying on message. We are spending millions on spin doctors to sit under desks in TV studios whispering "It's all Labour's fault" while ministers struggle to avoid answering any and all questions posed by commentators. I've got one under my desk at the moment - which reminds me - spin doctors were invented by Labour you know and this is all the fault of the last government."

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