The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday, 12 October 2013

Tax Breaks For The Rich Bears Fruit.

The Tories are celebrating today as their tax breaks for the wealthy begin to work as they intended. Since Cameron seized power in 2010 the amount of tax avoided by corporations has risen by a staggering £35 billion. Having worked so hard to avoid paying the top rate of tax when set at 50p they are now working just as hard to avoid it at 45p. We asked the Prime Minister for his reaction; "I know, it's terrible isn't it? But what can you do? No matter how much we talk about it we simply can't close the tax loopholes. I asked George Osborne to look into it and he said that its all too complicated for us. The danger is, of course, that if we do close the loopholes then the corporations will stop handing us the bribes we need to stay in existence. You can see our dilemma. Close the loopholes in the best interests of the country, or leave them alone in the best interests of me and the party. As Prime Minister I've become used to making hard decisions, especially when I don't have to suffer the consequences, and I've decided to bite the bullet on this by doing nothing whatsoever. The people of this country shouldn't worry however because we already have plans in the pipeline to kill off a few more pensioners this winter and throw useless cripples onto the street. If that fails people should rest assured that we'll tackle the problem head on and abolish corporation tax completely. Then wealthy corporations won't have any tax to avoid will they?"

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