The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Tories Promise Austerity Forever.

The Tory party would like to apologise for the inconvenience, but austerity is here to stay if Britain wants to maintain its position as a global superpower. "Britain may not be in the future what it has been in the past," Cameron will tell the conference today. "We are in a global race," he will warn us though, with the IMF telling us that continuing with George Osborne's suicidal economic policy is plain stupid, Cameron's message seems to be that this is little more than a race to the bottom. The world has changed, Hague told the BBC and, because of that, the Tories have decided to remain completely unchanged. Basically he was telling us that there is no choice but to impoverish the majority of the country in order to preserve an elite who are our only hope. But not to worry for, as Ian Duncan Smith told us on Monday with a poker face; "If we care for our country we must care for all our people, for they are our country. That is why our reforms must improve the chances for the very least of us." Essentially, then, the Tory policy consists entirely of stealing from the poor to preserve the rich and then offering warm words to hide their motives from the electorate. As an Orwellian attempt at "Newspeak" this is all pretty weak and amatuerish, but the fact that it should exist at all is a warning for the rest of us. The Tories have long claimed to have a monopoly over our past - eager to tell us simplistic stories about the glories of our imperial heritage - but they are now trying to claim a monopoly on the future - even more eager to tell us simplistic stories about the terrible fate that awaits us if we vote Labour or even have the temerity to protest. The truth is that there is an alternative, but that doesn't include a future for the Tory party - which is why they don't want anyone talking about it.

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