The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012

Cameron Puts His Fingers In His Ears And Shouts La, La, La.

David Cameron has girded his loins at the Tory Conference today and done what Tories always do when things are going badly - closed his eyes, put his fingers in his ears and shouted "La, la, la" as loudly as possible to drown out the truth. The country is going through a "slow and difficult healing process" he assured us all today in all seriousness, as the Tories valiantly "rebalance the economy." There are, he claimed, "positive signs" that the economy is reviving and that his government is "on the right track." Unfortunately as he stood before his fellow morons in the Tory party and prayed that spin could drown out the truth, others were pointing out that his claims were complete garbage. The world outlook, the IMF admitted today, is dire as governments across the world embrace "austerity" and wontonly destroy their own economies. And none are more wonton than the Tories, it would appear, as the IMF slashed its predictions for the British economy from slight growth next year of 0.2% to a contraction of 0.4%. Cameron also claimed, during his speech, that Britain's deficit had been "the biggest anywhere in the developed world" - an ouright lie, as even a cursory look at the figures will show. Still, that aside, Cameron went on to claim that the Tories had succeeded in slashing the deficit despite the fact that it actually continues to baloon at an unprecedented pace, while industrial output is the only thing the Tories have managed to reduce. Britain is not "on the right track", the country is not "healing" and there are no "positive signs" while the disconnection between the truth and Tory claims demonstrate the extent of their delusional state. The Tories have always been somewhat unhinged, but they are now criminally insane. Perhaps its time to lock them up.

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