The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday 24 June 2012

Tories Cotemplate Exchanging Turnip For Muppet.

In the wake of the Leveson Enquiry the Tory party has rapidly come to the conclusion that David Cameron had been fatally undermined by his close association with News International and thoughts have turned to who his successor will be. George Osborne has been discounted on the basis that he is simply too stupid. Consideration has been given to Andrew Lansley but he's too stupid as well and, in any case, will soon be too busy cashing in on the NHS. Ian Duncan Smith, despite being unbelievably evil, has had his chance and proved to be too stupid also. Theresa May? Too stupid and the police don't like her. How about Eric Pickles? Stupid and embarassing at the same time. Which leaves only one other choice - Michael Gove. Catching the direction of the wind Michael Gove immediately swung into action and flashed his right-wing credentials, suggesting that GCE's should be reintroduced and Grammer schools be allowed once more. The Tory party reacted with a deep collective sigh of nostalgia and Gove was catapulted into poll position. The fact that Gove is a complete muppet with all the charisma of Mr.Bean is neither here nor there. After all if Cameron could become Prime Minister, then why not a glove puppet? After all, didn't he save the entire English education system single handed by sending every school a copy of the King James' Bible? With an incisive mind like that how could he fail? Labour might have an idea or two.

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