The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday, 4 June 2012

Jubilee Anaesthetises The Nation.

The British love to moan about the weather but yesterday proved to be the exception to the rule. TV screens were filled with happy shiny faces cowering under umbrellas and dismissing the usual summer British monsoon with a careless flick of the hand. Words such as "wonderful," "unforgetable," and "exciting" replaced the usual moans and groans, while BBC commentators gushed uncontrollably about how marvelous the Royal Family and Britain actually are. Meanwhile viewers were treated to a mind-numbingly and tedious second-by-second account of Her Maj's progress downriver, with one intellectually-challenged presenter telling us about how dangerous the Thames can be. And the cost to the nation for this rather damp jamboree? A cool £275 million, not counting the cost of security. Still there's nothing like a Royal story to divert attention from reality in this benighted little kingdom. While millions sat glued to their TV sets or braved the British summer weather to munch damp sandwiches in the rain, little regarded news items slipped by without a murmur. While Baroness Warsi has been reported to the police by an outraged Labour MP, the "Independent" pointed out the threefold rise in families being "shunted into bed and breakfast accommodation" by the present gang of spivs and conmen who like to call themselves a government. The "Guardian" reported that family incomes had fallen for the third year in succession while final demand in the economy continues to slump. In the "New York Times" Paul Krugman told the British, yet again, that austerity, apart from being counter-productive, is little more than a cover for the Tory ideological goal of shrinking the state at a time when it badly needs to increase its activity. While the British people stand around innanely waving their little flags and look forward to a summer filled with expensive sporting events to engage their tiny minds, their country, their future and their voice is slowly being lost as a bunch of Tory pickpockets work the crowd.

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