Most Of Britain Now On Foot.

As economic gloom continues in Britain it was revealed today that petrol consumption has fallen by a staggering 15%. "This is great news for the environment," George Osborne told "The News In Shorts." "It's also good news in terms of our balance of payments." We asked a leading right-wing economic think tank for their reaction; "It brings tears to your eyes to see this great day," a spokesman told us. "With millions out of work and lines of barefoot peasants shuffling down the motorways in long lines as they try and make their way to their places of servitude. It is a price worth paying, especially when you consider the fresh air the upper classes will soon be enjoying as they indulge their recently restored right to murder foxes from horseback. This will also remove the need for all those terrible windfarms that have been spoiling the view as they sweep through a rural idyll frightening the peasants. Admitedlly we'll miss the £1.7 billion in fuel tax but that would only have been wasted on benefit payments anyway."