The economy might be tanking, inflation might be raging and unemployment skyrocketing but the Tories have their heads firmly in the Middle Ages - probably where they belong - as they announce changes to the laws of succession in, of all places, Australia. We asked David Cameron what the hell he thought he was doing and, perhaps more importantly, why?; "This has been a burning question for some time amongst senior Tory MP's and, of course, the House of Lords. We've been very worried as to what would happen if Prince William was to have a daughter before having a son. We live in a modern world and sexual equality is very important. Not for the Lords, I hasten to add, where the rules of succession will remain the same, but for the new trendy Royal Family. Then there's the question of diverting attention away from our woeful showing as far as the rest of the country is concerned. We can't have the peasants being restive and there's nothing like a good story about Royalty to take their minds off things. Democracy's a bitch at times I can tell you and bloody inconvenient. Look at the protestors at St.Paul's. I agree they should be able to protest but they should do it at home where they can't annoy anyone. Anyway - with no Royal wedding on the horizon and no war to take up headlines we had to do something. We chose to do it in Australia because they love the Royal Family - probably because they don't have to pay for them."
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