Tories Discover That Raising Benefits In Line With Inflation Is "Unfair."

As the inflation rate hit the highest figure in 20 years the Tories have made the completely expected "discovery" that raising benfits by a comensurate level is completely unfair to the non-taxpaying wealthy. "We can't have this," George Osborne told "The News In Shorts." "Scroungers should not be rewarded simply because the cost of living has gone up. It might be in the rules but I am confident that we can find some way to get around that. It's one thing for energy companies to raise their prices by 20% in the light of a 5% increase in their costs, quite another when people who've deliberately made themselves unemployed by voting for us expect to get more money to waste on things like food. By avoiding this we can drum up another £2 billion to feed the banks or give tax breaks to the rich who are suffering terribly at the moment. Headline figures might well give the impression that inflation is at 5.2% but, as Liam Fox has so recently demonstrated, impressions can be deceptive. Champagne and caviar, for instance, have hardly increased at all. No, if we're all in this together then it's about time that the poor in this country shouldered their fair share of the burden. Just this week I've had to sacrifice the £50 I normally give to charity otherwise I would have been short one bottle of Chablis at tonight's gala dinner for distressed bankers."