Government Planning To Flog Off Even More Council Houses.

Eric Pickles, pictured above, has plans to flog off even more council houses to generate money to build "affordable housing" for those who want council housing. We asked the Minister for Local Misgovernment for an explaination; "Well its all quite simple," he told us. "We flog off thousands of council houses at knock down prices so that council tenants will sell them into the "buy-to-rent" market. Then we take the money that we've got for the sale and use this money to build more houses which we can then also sell to the "buy-to-rent" market." We asked the Minister why we don't simply build more council houses; "Don't talk wet!" he replied. "How would that benefit property developers? How would that help drive up rents to unaffordable levels? You must realise that building "affordable housing" means "affordable housing for millionaires. How else can we clear the cities of Labour voters and replace them with more reliable Tory supporters?" We asked what would happen to the ordinary people who will eventually be displaced by all this; "How the hell would I know? Perhaps they'll sod off to Spain and annoy the Spanish government or become travellers and give the police something to do. Hopefully they'll all just disappear as our "reform" of the NHS take hold. Who cares?"