Lansley Encourages Staff And Patients To "Whistleblow"

In a far from suprising move today Andrew Lansley has launched an attack on beleagered staff in hospitals. As the NHS fades from memory and the privatisation of healthcare gathers pace even before the necessary legislation has been passed, the Minister for Privatising Health has "discovered" alarming gaps in care. "This is all down to Labour," he told our reporter, "and has nothing to do with the recent cuts in staff numbers. The whole of the NHS supports my plans to reduce morale as far as possible. Once we've managed to get rid of most of the staff and, thereby reduced overheads, we'll be able to flog off the whole thing for far more money. I've encouraged "whistleblowing" for two reasons. Nothing reduces staff morale like having the feeling you're constantly being spied on and because of healthcare workers obstinate refusal to do the work of three. Harassment is a perfectly legitimate management technique and is an effective means of getting rid of staff. Once we've offed a load of them we can sell the NHS and then private companies can recruit them back again at minimum wage. That is my vision for the future of healthcare in Britain."