Tory Party Fears Breaking Into Factions.

Shock was expressed tonight amongst Tories as it was suggested that the party is breaking up into seperate factions. "It was Liam Fox that brought our attention to it," a Tory spokesperson told our reporter. "We've been worried about him for some time since we felt he might declare his membership of the "Zombie Tendency" in the party. He was always dead from the neck up, but revelations from the Porton Group demonstrate beyond all doubt that he is now completely dead." We asked who else might be a member of this faction; "Andrew lansley almost certainly - his ears have been dead for years. We've also been worried about David Cameron who, over his "Big Society" idea, showed some of the symptoms - pointless repetative behaviour. It was a great relief when we realised he's just stupid. But it's not just the "Zombie Tendency" we have to worry about. There's the "Who Ate All The Pies Tendency," led by Eric Pickles and the "Mr.Bean Tendency," led by Michael Gove. They're all damaging to the party's image. Though none represent more danger than the "Flight From Reality Tendency" led by George Osborne. Throw the bloody LibDems into the mix and it's all going to shit."