Whats That Coming Over The Hill? Is It A Tory? Is It A Tory?

David Cameron, the world's first experiment in part-time leadership, has arrived in Brussels to tell Johnnie Foreigner how to run their economies. "I've come to explain to these European types how things should be done," he told our reporter. "George Osborne has done a great job explaining our position and I'm hoping he'll be able to explain it to me before I go into the meeting. However, from what I can gather from reading the newspapers, our economic plan is to put everyone out of work, get rid of benefits for the unemployed, sick and generally useless, assure that banker's get their well-earned bonuses and flog off as many national assets as the Chinese can afford. Greece has been doing sterling work along these lines and I'd like to congratulate them for showing the way forward. That French bloke - what's his name, Teacozy or whatever - has been a bit reluctant, especially after all those guillotines began to appear in Paris, but I think he's on side now. As for that German bint, Alison Sparkle or whatever her name is, she's being a bit more troublesome. Keeps whittering on about German voters and democracy - that sort of thing. I've told her - this is economics, democracy has got nothing to do with it."