Saint Paul's Cathedral may have to be closed because of the "Occupy" protestors. "It's all very embarassing," the Dean of St.Paul's told us today. "The founder of our religion, Jesus Christ, would probably have supported the protestors having thrown the moneylenders out of the Temple, but what did he know? Today's modern church is dependent on a steady income and if this goes on we are in danger of losing money - we might even have to file for bankruptcy. I've been talking to God and He's told me to go forth and tell the protestors to bugger off and picket the Stock Exchange. And there's a fire hazard as well with all these hippies cooking food and lighting up joints. The dome of St.Paul's is made of wood you know." We asked one of the protestors for his point of view; "I know we've become a bit of an inconvenience, but that's the point isn't it? We would picket the Stock Exchange but the fuzz won't let us. As to the fire hazard - if Hitler couldn't burn it down with incendiary bombs I don't think we will." The Home Secretary was beside herself with rage; "These people are preventing Johnnie Foreigner from visiting the place and they're very dissapointed. Tourism is the most important business in Britain, especially after we dismantled manufacturing, and St.Paul's is the finest example of free enterprise in the country. We had plans to fill the place with wax figures depicting Jesus blessing capitalism, but we've had to put that on the backburner now."
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