Inflation On It's Way Into Orbit, But House Prices Are Safe.

Figures out today show that the inflation rate has now risen to 5.2% on the back of the Bank of England pumping money into the economy and energy corporations robbing their customers blind. We asked a spokesperson from the Bank of England why it has failed to use interest rates to control inflation; "Christ almighty we can't do that!" he told us, sweating freely at the thought. "If we do that people won't be able to pay their mortgages and lose their houses. Then house prices will fall like a stone, rents will go down and an entire class of speculators will find themselves up the creek without a paddle. Worse than all that, of course, is that 99% of them are Tory voters. The economy might be warped out of all recognition by an overheated property market but we like it that way. We have to do everything possible to keep property prices beyond the reach of most ordinary people, otherwise our slum landlord programme will come to nothing and then where will we be? Anyway half the bloody cabinet are in a sweat that their property prices might be adversely affected so, as far as they're concerned, it's a price worth paying."