David Cameron has announced that British merchant ships, both of them, will be allowed to carry armed guards when in the Indian Ocean. "We've conducted a great deal of research into the subject and have found that, suprisingly, pirates tend not to attack ships that are armed to the teeth. The research, which was extremely detailed and consisted of asking someone with a brain for his opinion, showed quite conclusively that Somali pirates don't like being shot at. We've also concluded that having a Kalashnikov shoved under the noses of merchant marine sailors make them nervous and it has to stop. This is not to say that we haven't considered the health and safety implications and I can assure the families of pirates that, if the pirates are killed, it will not affect their claims for family allowance back home in Britain."
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