Oliver Letwin: "Those Papers Were Heavy."

In an interview worthy of a leading Tory in government Oliver Letwin has explained his dumping documents in a public wastepaper bin as a case of "getting rid of a load of heavy rubbish." "It was weighing me down," he pleaded, as if this was a reasonable argument. "I often do this when it all gets too much - especially letters from constituents who are a bloody nuisance or from MI6 which, frankly, are too difficult for me to understand." We asked a Tory insider for the view from inside the party; "That Ollie, he's a card I can tell you. Even Liam can't make me laugh as much as him. Of course he's quite right. All of us get reams and reams of nonsense from our constituents - asking about unemployment, the cost of living and the lack of affordable housing - you know, the sort of things that concern unimportant people. Personally I dump mine in the House of Commons recycling bin which is reputed to be the largest in the world - we're all very proud of that. As for the stuff about security - who gives a monkies about that crap? As long as terrorists fail to penetrate the House of Commons that's all that matters. As long as Ollie doesn't get David Cameron telling the media he has "full confidence" in him he should be all right."