BP Continues To Fleece Its Customers.

BP announced profits today that have nearly tripled since last year. "This is money for old rope," a BP spokesperson tod "The News In Shorts." "When the price of oil goes up we make more money because we sell oil, but that also gives us an excuse to put the price of petrol up - so its a double whammy with customers on the receiving end. Even when we cause an ecological disaster like we did in the Gulf of Mexico this year we still win - oil production goes down, the price goes up and we're laughing all the way to the bank. We've stiched up deals with corrupt governments all over the world - Angola, Mexico and Britain are prime examples - and, in response, our shares have gone up in value by 4.5% - Kerching!"