Tory Party "Comes Out."

In a shock revelation today the Tory Party has, en masse, come out and admitted they are closet Morris Dancers. "Its a great relief," David Cameron told "The News In Shorts." "Many of us took up the dancing while we were at Eton or later at university, though Liam Fox, from an underpriviliged background, came to it late and Boris has always been utterly useless at it. All of us, however, are pledged to leading the country on a merry dance." The Tories coalition partners, the largely forgotten LibDem party, have expressed their shock but have been sympathetic. "It can't be easy for David," Nick Clegg told us. "We found it equally difficult to admit that we are opportunistic turncoats without any discernible principles but, in government, you do what you have to do." The Labour party was universal in its condemnation, however; "This is a national disgrace," Ed Milliband said. "This blatant show of Englishness is totally at varience with our modern diverse society and should not be encouraged. Our Scottish, Welsh and Irish constituents are all equally appaled and have equated it with that other expression of English domination and exploitation - cricket." The Church of England expressed similar disquiet; "This activity has its roots in paganism and distracts from the burning religious controversies of the day such as whether women should still be regarded as the vessels of original sin and how many angels can dance on the head of a pin."