The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Olympic VIP's To Be "Fast-Tracked" By The NHS.

Olympic VIP's who happen to fall ill or suffer and accident during the games will be "fast-tracked" by London A&E departments to make sure that they are treated within 30 minutes. The arrangement, which has been vigorously denied by the government, is reported "to be in force" at all the designated hospitals and is designed to make sure that rich, important people jump the queue ahead of those tax-payers who finance the NHS. "Of course this is nonsense," Andrew Lansley told our reporter. "Rich and important people have always been able to jump the queue ahead of the peasants. That's how it should be in any modern democracy where privatisation is king. You can't expect rich people, with their natural superiority, to wait around in a hospital corridor on a trolly for hours on end with working-class scum - especially if they're connected with sport in some way. It's inhuman and would embarass the government no end."

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