The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Friday, 11 May 2012

Bankers Are At It Again.

If you thought that the world's major banks learned anything at all after the recent financial crash, dream on. J.P.Morgan, one of the United States "too big to fail" banks has managed to lose yet another $1 billion in dodgy investments. Not that that put a brake on management "bonuses" or, as the rest of us would call it, plunder. We asked the company's chief executive, Jamie Dimon, for his comments; "Who cares? Whats $1 billion to me? Its not as if we have to worry about loses when we have access to US taxpayers money. However, I am still surprised at the loses. We have consulated some of the world's most famous astrologers and they told us we couldn't lose. I suppose in a way they were right, but they led us to believe that reckless and idiotic gambling was actually a dead cert. We've learned a valuable lesson though. We've given up on the astrologers and decided that, from now on, we will only consult with soothsayers and phrenologists"

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