How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.
Saturday, 5 May 2012
LibDem's Beaten By Penguin - Tories By A Polar Bear.
In a not too shocking local election result in Edinburgh Professor Pongoo, leader of the Independent Penguin Tendency, has beaten a LibDem candidate while, in Liverpool, a Tory candidate has been beaten by a Polar Bear. However, talks between the Penguin and the Polar Bear about the possibility of forming a new coalition party quickly failed when it became glaringly obvious that, in policy terms, they were poles apart. We asked Nick Clegg for his reaction to the news; "It could have been worse, we could have been beaten by a Tory. Still I remain optimistic now it has emerged that a coalition between the Penguin and Polar Bear seems a remote possibility. We have to learn from this experience and I for one am determined that fielding cute furry animals as candidates might be a vote winner. A Panda has been suggested to me on the grounds that they're nearly extinct too. I know that David Cameron has taken the opposite view of all this and plans to field a dinosaur since such an animal fits in better with their party image. Let's hope to God that Labour doesn't field a Pitbull."