The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday, 12 May 2012

Call For Better Incentives To Attract "Talented" Top Civil Servants.

Lord John Browne, who was found guilty of perjury in 2007 but escaped prosecution because the judge in the case thought he'd been "punished enough" when it was revealed that he was homosexual, has called on the government to improve incentives for top civil servants in order the attract "the best talent." We asked the lying peer what he meant; "Well, as you know, many top civil servants have been avoiding paying tax and national insurance by having themselves paid through off-shore accounts using bogus companies. These are the kind of people we need in the civil service and, since the government is being forced to close this particular loophole by peasant opinion, we need to find another way to allow top civil servants to commit fraud. This is the only way to attract the best people with the necessary qualifications in greed, deviousness and theft from leading schools such as Eton and leading universities such as the Oxford or Cambridge Schools of Corporate Cheating. We are losing a great deal of talent from the Civil Service as these people are being attracted into banking and big business where criminal activity is better rewarded."

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