The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Coalition Tries To Find Arse With Both Hands.

While David Cameron and Nick Clegg celebrated the reaffirmation of their Faustian pact in a facotry that is about to upstakes and move to China, their mates back in London were busy trying to bury the truth about the smash and grab raid on the NHS. Despite demands by the Information Commission that Lansley should publish the transitional risk register on his grubby NHS Reform Bill, the Coalition has used its veto to stop it being seen - putting a purely domestic policy on the same footing as preperations for war. Usually such a veto would only be used under exceptional circumstances and, in this case, the exceptional circumstances seem to be the survival of the government which is blatantly putting its own interests before those of the country. We asked Andrew Lansley, Britian's most successful thief, for his comments; "This is not a step I have taken lightly. I am a firm believer in greater transparency except when it might cost me my job. There needs to be safe space where officials are able to give ministers the lies necessary for them to get away with criminal acts like this one. We can't have a thing like democracy pushing its way into government and allowing the peasants to believe they have a right to know things."

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