The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday, 20 January 2013

Snow Will Save Osborne's Blushes.

The Ernst and Young Item Club forecasting group has warned that George Osborne's suicidal economic plan will force Britain into an unprecedented triple-dip recession this year. Meanwhile Adam Posen, director of the Peterson Institute for International Economics, has said; "It's inexcusable for the chancellor not to take reality into account when making fiscal policy. When you've implemented everything, and it's had the opposite effect, and it's been a bad effect, you have an ethical and public responsibility to change policy." We tracked down Mr Osborne on his skiing holiday and asked for his reaction. "Recession, what recession? I'm doing all right as you can see. People should get off their idle backsides and work harder at inheriting money as I did. I didn't get where I am today without being a millionaire I can tell you. As for my so-called economic problems, what commentators have failed to take into account is Algeria and the snow. Algeria has forced austerity off the front page of the newspapers and off the BBC news and the snow has already provided me with just the alibi I need to explain away any triple-dip recession. We should all be thankful that these two completely unrelated events have come along and saved me from embarassment - the most importat thing as I'm sure you'll agree."

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