The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday 6 January 2013

George Osborne: "Saviour Of The Nation."

Having taken a wrecking ball to the economy George Osborne is poised to swoop in and save us all in the nick of time. This will be done, it appears, by a two-pronged attack on our economic woes. First George will be giving up his entitlement to family allowance. Of course under the new rules governing family allowance he would no longer be entitled being a millionaire and all so he's not actually giving anything up at all. Still, as the rest of us wrestle with rising utility bills, lower wages, less job security, longer working lives, vanishing healthcare provision and ever higher taxation by stealth, its nice to see that George has honoured the "we're all in this together" mantra. The fact that he handed himself a nice £40,000 per year tax break earlier this year shouldn't distract us all from his basic nobility. Nor should the fact that he and his family pay for nothing courtesy of the taxpayer distract us from feeling his pain. Thirty quid a week could make all the difference to him and his family. The second prong of this attack lies in education. High Street banks - you know, the ones who crashed the world economy, pay themselves lottery-win sized bonuses for failure, hold out their hand for taxpayers money when they bankrupt their own businesses and indulge in various financial crimes - are to visit schools to teach our children all about finance and economics. Neoliberal propaganda about the "free" market and the need for less financial regulation is to be piped directly into our children's minds free from the meddling of "leftie" teachers. Thus the insane economic theory that brought the world to its knees is to be preached in our classrooms by its most ardent acolytes while our children are fed a diet of economic mumbo-jumbo. Sounds delightful.

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