The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Tories Just Want To Be Believed.

Tory MP George Eustice came close to breaking down in tears today as he told the BBC that politicians are being "undermined by journalists" who deliberately make them "look evasive" by asking awkward questions. "It's heartbreaking," he told the News in Shorts. "We simply want people to listen to us and give us the benefit of the doubt. But every time we try to explain ourselves, using iffy statistics and sprouting ideological claptrap, up pops a journalist pointing out that we're not actually telling the truth. What they don't seem to appreciate is that truth is a slippery thing, especially when you're trying to avoid it. What we need is for journalists to sit quietly while we talk, though they could nod their heads enthusiastically every now and again if they like. My favoured solution to redress the imbalance is more party political broadcasts so that we can talk without being interrupted. If we could just express ourselves without being questioned too closely things would be much better. Then we could be evasive without anyone noticing and we could get on with the real business of government - stealing money for ourselves and our rich mates while pauperising the peasants."

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