Britain: Still Stuck In The 19th Century.

It is hardly surprising that Europe looks at Britain with a wry smile. While they are tackling the problems of the 21st Century Britain is determindly trying to solve the problems of the 19th. The Midlothian Question still haunts Parliament, they are still obssessed with the size of the navy and sending gunboats to protect colonial possessions, poor people are still blamed for their poverty, the House of Lords is still unreformed and, most disastrous of all, they still have no understanding of economics. Apart from the unexplained disappearance of the Empire its as if the last 150 years never happened. All the lessons are now forgotten, pushed into obscurity by the dead hand of Britain's worst Prime Minister - Margaret Thatcher - and ignored by the present worst Prime Minister - David Cameron. Meanwhile the world's worst and least qualified economics minister - George Osborne - gleefully presides over an economy that is clinically dead and gripped by an unprecedented triple-dip recession and tells us there is no "Plan B." Not that there isn't another and better solution, its just that Osborne finds it difficult to think more than one thought at a time. Ed Balls has accused Cameron and Osborne of being "asleep at the wheel." He's wrong. They're not asleep - they're completely unconscious and happy to be so.

Snow Will Save Osborne's Blushes.

The Ernst and Young Item Club forecasting group has warned that George Osborne's suicidal economic plan will force Britain into an unprecedented triple-dip recession this year. Meanwhile Adam Posen, director of the Peterson Institute for International Economics, has said; "It's inexcusable for the chancellor not to take reality into account when making fiscal policy. When you've implemented everything, and it's had the opposite effect, and it's been a bad effect, you have an ethical and public responsibility to change policy." We tracked down Mr Osborne on his skiing holiday and asked for his reaction. "Recession, what recession? I'm doing all right as you can see. People should get off their idle backsides and work harder at inheriting money as I did. I didn't get where I am today without being a millionaire I can tell you. As for my so-called economic problems, what commentators have failed to take into account is Algeria and the snow. Algeria has forced austerity off the front page of the newspapers and off the BBC news and the snow has already provided me with just the alibi I need to explain away any triple-dip recession. We should all be thankful that these two completely unrelated events have come along and saved me from embarassment - the most importat thing as I'm sure you'll agree."

George Osborne Hails Triple-Dip Recession.

George Osborne has been nominated for the Nobel Economics Prize in the category "Economic Ignoramus of the Year" it was announced today. We asked George for a comment; "This is a great honour and one which I am proud to accept. Steering Britain from slight recovery to a third recession in the space of two-and-a-half years has not been easy and I would like to take this opportunity to thank all those who have made it possible. First my parents, without whose support and lack of contraception at the crucial moment none of this would have been possible. Next my best mate David Cameron, almost as economically illiterate as myself. But my greatest appreciation is reserved for those morons who voted Tory at the last election. The idiotic are always with us but I must commend their efforts in turning out in sufficient numbers to get us into No.10 by the backdoor. I would also like to reluctantly thank the LibDems, whose lack of political common sense, backbone and any discernable principals has helped to keep me in the position where I can do the maximum amout of damage to the British economy. We must all take solace that, as long as I'm Chancellor, there is no alternative to the present economic insanity and that we're all in this together - me continuing to be a millionaire no matter what happens and you lot as the poverty-stricken peasants you deserve to be." We asked a Tory spokesman for the party view; "We won't stop until we see all the hated British scum who refuse to vote for us ground into the dirt. It's our patriotic duty."