The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday 2 January 2012

David Cameron Pins His Hopes On The Olympics And The Queen.


David Cameron has given a New Year speech aimed at lifting the country's spirit as we face 2012 in the sure and certain knowledge that it will far worse than 2011. "This will be the year that the world sees Britain," he told the nation, "and concludes that we're buggered. The opening ceremony of the Olympic Games is our chance to ignore reality and pretend that everything will be all right. The Queen's Diamiond Jubilee is a further chance to divert attention from our disastrous economic policies and total lack of concern for ordinary people. I know that people are worried about what the new year might bring - they should be - but I can assure people that the Tory party will shoulder any burden and face any foe in order to protect our mates in the banking industry. We intend to transform the nation's infrastructure and make it completely unaffordable for most people while, at the same time, widening the gap between rich and poor. All too often public sector workers find they cannot do their jobs because of red tape and we will do our best to eradicate the jobs in question. Stupidity. Ignorance. Inequality. Selfishness. Obedience. These are the things that have made Britain great and the Tory party even greater. We must focus on what Britain does best - being robbed by people like me without complaining."

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