The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Tuesday 24 January 2012

Tories: Blaming The Victims And Rewarding The Criminals.


Yesterday in Parliament provided probably the finest example of Tory double-dealing and sheer outright deception in living memory. First up was Vince Cable, the LibDem's human shield for the Tories pictured above, who explained how he intended to cap the outrageous levels of executive pay by asking them nicely to stop doing it. What is needed, apparently, is "more transparency" and "best practice" - terms that were vague enough to suit the tastes of the most two-faced of Tories and terms that left Vinnie looking distinctly uncomfortable. With the opening batsman out for a duck the Tories next called on Ian Duncan Smith - the self-styled "quiet man" of the Tory party who is "quiet" in the same way that Jack the Ripper was. His brief was to explain why it is necessary to cap the income of the poor. "We can't have poor executives having to rub along on a mere £2 million a year, while the greedy poor can rob us all to the tune of thousands," he roared. Chris Grayling then waded in, disgusted that the unemployed would object to being made to stack shelves at Poundland for nothing. "How can the unemployed object to working for nothing, when poor executives are forced to do nothing for £2 million a year?" he asked. Meanwhile David Cameron, the world's first part-time Prime Minister, was cruising the TV studios telling everyone who would listen that the lazy, feckless unemployed should be out there looking for non-existant jobs in the worse jobs market for two decades. So, after a day of capping the poor and not capping the rich, of blaming the victims and rewarding the criminals, what is the result? An ICM poll suggests that the Tory party has never been so popular! The Conservative Tories are on 40%, the Labour Tories are on 35% and the LibDem Tories are on 16%. Which just go to show that both British voter's hearts and their brains now reside in the same place - south of their navels.

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