The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Thursday 12 January 2012

Implant Scandal Fortells Future Of The NHS.


As private health companies walk away from their responsibilities over the breast implant scandal and demand that the taxpayer should pick up the bill, the future planned by the Tories for the NHS is all too clear. We asked Andrew Lansley, Minister for Flogging Off The NHS, for his view; "They have a point - after all what's good for the banker is good for the quack. Unfortunately we can't afford it so these women will just have to lump it. We realise that its all gone tits up, but that shouldn't divert us from our plan to introduce even more privatisation into healthcare. It seems to us only sensible that medical care should be dependent on three principles; the total ignorance of the patient, the total irresponsibility of the healthcare provider and the profit margin. Any other consideration, such as the well being of the patient, the qualifications of the providers and value for money, must be secondary in a healthy market place. If we have a healthy free market economy in medicine it stands to reason that people's health will also improve. After all look what the free market in the finance industry has achieved. Of course, once the market in healthcare has been established, its continued success is entirely dependent on deregulation which has also proven its effacacy over the last 30 years or so. I hasten to add that our decision to privatise medicine has nothing to do with the shares we've all been buying in the private healthcare companies that have been good enough to donate money to the party of late. Perish the thought."

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