The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday, 16 March 2013

The Repackaging Of David Cameron.

David Cameron decided to trot out the central tennent of Toryism today - "Trust me I'm lying to you." His chosen metaphor was "ladders" - the sort that would exist in a just society so that the brightest and best can reach the top. Unfortunately these have been in short supply in Britain now for some time - about 1,000 years to be precise. People like Cameron and George Osborne, by way of contrast, are born with the necessary ladders where the rest of us have backbones in order to carry their bags and shoulder the burdens of things such as taxation. The Tories, he claims, are not about creating more privilege but "spreading it". So far, however, he's only managed to spread it to his rich mates in the finance industry. He says the Tories are all about aspiration and giving everyone a helping hand, but has presided over a government that makes having a decent job and a decent place to live a hopeless aspiration while their idea of a helping hand is actually a kick in the teeth. "Give people the tools," he told his less than adoring fellow Tories, "and they will finish the job" in yet another attempt to usurp the image of Winston Churchill. "Let the word go forth from this hall and this party," he said, plagarising John F.Kennedy's innaugral speech. It has and the word is "rubbish." The bald truth is that no government has forced so many into poverty, none has ever persecuted the vulnerable with such relish and none has ever borrowed so much money in order to do so little. "Fine words butter no parsnips" the old saying goes, but Tory flannel, by way of contrast, seems to knows no bounds. Winston Churchill once told the British people "I have nothing to offer but blood sweat and tears." Cameron should have said "I have nothing to offer but empty words, empty promises and empty bellies - and empty heads, we have plenty of those in the Tory party."

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