The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Thursday 1 December 2011

George Osborne Struck Blind.


George Osborne has been rushed to hospital with a terminal attack of myopia and the early onset of utter stupidity. Having failed to understand that unemployment + lower incomes + higher taxation for the lower paid = lack of demand, he has now failed completely to notice that it is now 2011 and not 1981. We asked a Tory insider for his view; "We were elected by an overwhelming majority of people in Britain with a clear mandate to defeat militant unions and throw as many people out of work as possible. George Osborne and David Cameron have listened to the concerns of ordinary people, completely ignored them and decided that the best way forward is to reward incompetent executives and bankers with massive pay awards. We have learned a great deal from the mistakes made over the last thirty years especially in allowing the last vestiges of democracy to cling on and we are determined to press ahead in creating an economy that has no demand in at all. Once the top 1% of the population have all the money still in circulation the economy will take off and the super rich will then feel more inclined to allow working people to have one or two extra crumbs from the table. Or perhaps not - it all depends on the peasants doing as they're told and stop bothering their superiors with demands for a decent standard of living. The recent strikes have shown how selfish working people are. Clarkson was quite right - they should be shot."

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