The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Tuesday 20 December 2011

Tories Retreat From Regulating Banks.


Two days ago Vince Cable was in a TV studio assuring us all that the report by John Vickers, pictured above, on regulating the banks would be "implimented in full." Today the man now pretending to be Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, has told us the truth - it won't. We asked him why; "Why? I wouldn't dare to be honest. The banks have already told me that if the government impliments the Vickers report I won't get a nice cushy job with them after I retire from Parliament. That, of course, wouldn't be in the national interest. You have to realise that I'm only here to do what the banks want - I have no other real function. Since democracy was killed off last year by the IMF, I have to be careful that David isn't replaced by a banker as occured in Greece and Italy and is about to happen in Spain and Portugal. Even the French and Germans have thrown in the towel and agreed to pauperise the whole of Europe to appease the banks. Still, its not all bad - I get to keep my money and that's the main thing. As for the electortate - they'll have to get used to doing as they're bloody told. If they don't we'll simply change the law to make them. Sweet!"

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