The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday, 1 July 2013

Bedroom Tax Worse Than Tories Hoped.

The Tories are cock-a-hoop today after the BBC has reported that the effects of the bedroom tax are even worse than they hoped. Rents remain high, empty houses are proliferating, rent arrears are growing, homlessness is increasing and demoralised benefit claimants, including those in full-time work, have been reduced to quivering wrecks fearing an uncertain future. Ministers, many struggling to prevent themselves from giggling, have said that they are monitoring the situation closely and can't believe that the electorate really are as spineless and selfish as they hoped they were. In a statement, the Department for Work and Pensions said: "The removal of the spare room subsidy is returning fairness with the poor once more forced to live in the gutter where they belong and with the rich having to pay less tax." We asked Iain Duncan Smith for his view; "As a Christian I am delighted to see that the meek really are inheriting the earth inasmuch as they are being forced to eat dirt. Mine is a vengeful God and He is wreeking his revenge on all those dirty poor people who still refuse to vote Tory and give us the majority that He wants us to have. Without addresses this scum won't be able to vote at all and that should get us the majority we need to abolish tax for all rich people. This serves them right for trying to blame the poor hard-working bankers for the collapse of the world economy when everyone knows that it was all Labour's fault. Many poor people are now openly demonstrating their sinful nature by committing suicide and proving that the Tory party is quite right to punish them for being wilfully poor." Puzzled by the complete lack of any protest to the bedroom tax from the electorate we asked a Tory voter for his reaction; "Wonderful people the Tories. Many poor people say that they feel the Tories have spat in their faces, but, I ask you, who wouldn't want to be spat in the face by a Tory?"

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